I'm friendly and outgoing, and people generally respond to my usually upbeat demeanor. Much of that changed... albeit temporarily... while going through this process.

In spite of being upbeat, I'm my own worst critic. You cannot point out something silly I do - nor call me a name - that I have not already pointed out to or called myself. It's bad enough when the actions that I berate myself over have little consequence. When a house is on the line, the self-talk turns downright vicious. I have called myself names I would never in a million years even consider calling another human being.

Why is this? Why can I not treat myself with the same courtesy I treat others?

I guess if familarity breeds contempt, there is nobody I'm more familiar with than myself. Plus, there is no chance of anyone else hearing me verbally shredding my target. So there's no chance that people will think less of me for doing such. So I fire all my guns at my defenseless target.

Let's look at some of the emotions involved. First is anger, of course. We can't lay all the blame there though, because anger is a secondary emotion. It's what we feel because we feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced or trapped. I know I felt at least afraid and trapped; dealing with the maddening beaurocracy put forth by our lender added "disrespected" into the mix. So there it is. I felt afraid, trapped and disrespected. Plus, it looks like all the cool kids are doing fine with their mortgages. So let's throw shame in there. Good recipe for anger.

Once you're angry, you need a target to funnel it towards. Since I signed the paperwork to get into the loan, I'm a natural target. Fire away.

Here's the thing - There were plenty of things that I had control over. I will delve briefly into "coulda/shoulda" territory for a moment. I could have not taken the loan. We were doing okay without it, we didn't need it... it just seemed like a good way to expand my business and take care of some home upgrades.

So these things come together to help you feel like an idiot. This brings about the shame that causes people to not seek help and not talk with people about it. Nobody wants others to think they're an idiot... and if I believe that about myself, they certainly will feel that about me, right? Despair starts to set in.

Want to know the antidote? Talk about it anyway. Put up another blog page and send me the link - I'll link to you. Talk about it with your family and friends - if they think you're an idiot, they probably already did anyway, and you don't need that influence in your life. You're not an idiot, you are just in a tough situation. This is where the friends and those that pretended to be friends show their true colors.

Don't let your angry side destroy the side of you that can still salvage the situation and turn it toward the positive. I lost a lot of time in despair - and despair is a downward spiral. If you don't do anything to alter it - like taking action on contacting your lender - it will only get worse as you find more things to beat on yourself about.

Stop the cycle of self abuse. Only you can take control of the downward spiral you're in. Grab one action you can do and take that action. String a few of those actions together, and you're suddenly feeling like you might be able to survive this thing... A few more, and triumph seems possible.

-=C=-

It really cannot be stressed how important it is to document stuff. Grab a binder, a folder, or some sort of container for paper. Throw a bunch of looseleaf paper and some pens in it. This is your Foreclosure container. Mark it as such.

Now, any time you make or receive a call, write the date and time. Write the name of the person with whom you spoke... Did you talk to your attourney? Write it down. Did you talk to your CPA? Write it down. Did you talk to the lender? You guessed it... Write.

Alternately, if you're a nerd like me, type it. Either way, get it on paper. Here's why:

• You hope it doesn't come to it, but if you don't have it, your attourney will not be happy with you
• You sound much more organized when you are talking with people on the other end. They naturally have a higher regard for someone that can rattle off dates, times and names rather than someone that says "I think I called last week and spoke to someone..."

Bottom line is that proper documentation is your only offensive and defensive ammunition in this fight. If you run out of ammunition, your battle is over. Document!

Having said all that, thank you for taking the time to read. We truly hope that this information will provide help in some way.

On the left you'll find a listing of the articles, most recent first. On the right, you'll find external resources that we found useful along the way. If you prefer to use an RSS reader to keep up, you'll find that link on the right as well. Across the top you'll see Main (this page), Correspondence, Discussion, Links, and our journals.

Correspondence: Letters to and from my lender.

Discussion: A forum for those of you that are going through this process. Help each other out, and if we're able, S and I will be on hand to help too!

Links: Shameless self promotion. These are links to (as much as possible) somewhat related sites. In all honesty, the links page is just a means of getting our pagerank up. We don't endorse any of the companies or products there - but who knows, some of it might be great stuff!

-=C=-